While I was striving to win the prize, I realized that I was also learning some life lessons.

No Matter How Small the Request, When You Need Help, It’s Okay to Ask for It

I posted my request for assistance on my page, I sent personal emails, I started chats with people. I went full-out to win the prize. And, every day, to my utter surprise, people responded. I asked for a “Facebook favor” and people went out of their way to help me. When they were confused about whether they had fulfilled the request sufficiently, they contacted me to make sure they were able to help. When I asked folks to post my request on THEIR pages, they did it! Everyone of my “friends” on Facebook and their friends, were more than glad to assist me, even with a silly request that had absolutely no payback for them.

People are Generous and Willing to Help

We look at the news and make up our minds that people are inherently evil, but this is just not true. More often than not, people are generous, kind and willing to help their friends and neighbors. More importantly, this cuts across all lines: race, gender, sexuality?my friends run the gamut, and all of them helped.

People Want You to Succeed

The universe is a friendly place and whether we want to believe it or not, I learned that people want you to succeed. Over and over, people let me know that they were pulling for me and that they wanted me to win. It was a great feeling to know that so many people, without a vested interest in my success, were still hoping that I would succeed.

As I rounded the corner of the contest, it occurred to me that if I applied the same diligence, networking, and perseverance in my life that I had applied to the contest, I would be an unstoppable force. So, thank you Facebook, for connecting people together in a way that has never been possible, and thank you Saddleback Leather Company, for giving me something to shoot for. I didn’t win a bag.

I won a whole lot more.

Thank you everyone. I appreciate all your support!

I wasn’t interested in making any new friends. New friends were only trouble. Old friends? They were perfect. They knew your quirks, your bad habits, your secrets—what made you smile. And then, one day in the hallway at work, while I was selling raffle tickets, I made a new friend. She was lovely. She was bright and very pretty. We both wanted to be writers when we grew up and we were both English majors. We liked the same television shows and authors. We got on smashingly.

But we were also similar in ways that weren’t compatible. We were both sensitive and very stubborn—a pretty lethal combination. We were friends for about a year, swapping stories of triumph and heartbreak. We’d only quarreled once or twice in all that time. In terms of friendships, ours was better than most.

One Sunday afternoon, she invited me over for dinner. Dinner preparation had taken her a lot of time, but I really wasn’t hungry. I should have told her that before she’d gone to all the trouble. We argued. I shushed her. We quarreled. I left. Little did I know it, but our friendship had ended while she was slicing avocados.

Six months passed. I married. Her roommate moved out and another moved in. I saw her on the street. We shared an awkward hug. I reached out via MySpace. I was hoping we could be friends again. She wasn’t interested, and she said just that in so many words. Sure, we could go out for a beer and a burger, but she didn’t want to reconnect. She needed to be around people who supported her. I didn’t fit the bill. I was hurt and disappointed.

I had officially been dumped by new, best friend.

Five years later, I still wince at the thought of how my friendship ended. I still had, until yesterday, my “friend’s” telephone number in my contacts list. Why? Because I was rejected. I don’t need to tell you that rejection hurts. Here are three things to remember about a best friend break-up.

Friendships, Like All Relationships, Require Communication

I may have thought that my friend was mad about me not being hungry, but that was far from the truth. She had been angry for some time; she just took it out on the avocado. When you hit the end of a best-friend relationship, just realize that whatever caused the end was probably not the real problem. The real problem was a lack of communication. If it will clear your conscious, try to reach out one last time to open up the lines of communication. If your friend isn’t open to it, move on and remember to keep the lines of communication open with the friends that you do have. That means addressing problems as they occur, treating your friends as you expect to be treated, and being open to constructive feedback.

To Everything, There is a Season

One of the reasons that the Bible has sold over 1 billion copies is this: there’s some good stuff in there! Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 is an example of this. I’m not trying to wax theosophical, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. We attract the people we need to help us grow and gain more experience. When we no longer need the teachers, they sometimes vanish. This is why people come into and out of our lives so frequently. When a friendship ends, look back over the friendship and ask yourself “what lesson am I supposed to learn that only this experience can teach me?”

Life Isn’t What it Wasn’t—It’s Only What it Is

The subtitle to this section is a lyric to a song that I wrote, and I firmly believe this statement. When a friendship ends, there’s no use re-hashing everything you’ve given, all the support you’ve provided, how much better off your friend was with you in her life, or how it’s her loss. All of that is your ego struggling to make sense of something very painful. Instead, when the thought comes to mind, whether it be accompanied by pain or anger, take a deep breath and release that pain/anger/resentment to the universe. Focus your thoughts on forgiveness, for yourself and for your friend. Release those negative feelings into the universe and thank God/Universe for healing. Remember, the experiences in life are what we are living for—not through.

Photo by alicepopkorn

It could be anything.

Stop thinking about it.

Do it.

On “Get Off Your Ass” Friday, all ya gotta do is one thing to get your a step closer to your [insert your goal, dream, plan, idea here]. And, I’d love to hear about it.

I’m standing outside at the edge of the road staring at the few inches of snow that cover the cars, the trees and the roadway. This is extremely unusual. It’s so unusual, in fact, that the Governor has declared a state of emergency. But I haven’t come out into these wintry conditions to enjoy this anomaly. Oh no. I am traversing this winter tundra because I need the one item I forgot to pick up last night: tampons. Damn.

It’s too cold to walk to the store. I’m already irritated. As I turn back toward my house, I have a eureka moment. Instead of making the trek to the nearest Harris Teeter on foot, I’ll ask a neighbor. I am now in search of a vagina.

Preferably a young one.

It takes quite a bit of courage to send the first text message. I’m very relieved when there is no immediate response. Then I realize that I’ll have to go door to door. Egads.

Luckily, my downstairs neighbor is out of town, and her house-sitter answers the door. I know this is a strange request. I swallow hard. But do you know if Sherry has any…(gulp)…tampons I can borrow? Sherry won’t want these back. Sherry is menopausal. But! She has a box of unused tampons that I can have. Thank you, Lord! My task is now complete. I have overcome my anxiety and allowed myself to be vulnerable to a stranger. It shouldn’t have been this easy. But it is. Overcoming your “performance” anxiety, in any way that it manifests, is actually quite simple. Whether it’s cold-calling potential clients, asking for the sale, knocking on a neighbor’s door to help your daughter sell Girl Scout Cookies, or getting up on stage to sing, the strategy is the same—practice being vulnerable.

Vulnerability or Weakness?

When we think about being vulnerable, we think about being exposed to emotional pain or to critique. Only a 40lb weakling would expose herself to that, right? But the alternative to vulnerability is actually what causes weakness. Opening yourself up to new challenges and to greater self-actualization requires vulnerability. In order to overcome performance anxiety, we have to first get vulnerable.

Exploit Your Insecurity

Insecurities are a part of life. But when your insecurities get in the way of successful relationships or personal/professional growth, it’s time to do something about it. Try this: instead of pushing insecurity away, exploit it. Instead of closing yourself to an experience that you so desperately want, do the very thing that creates your insecurity. Have low self-esteem? Sign up for a salsa class to become more confident in your sexuality. Find it hard to start a conversation with the opposite sex? Try a lunch dating service. In opening yourself up to these new activities, you’ll find new ways to relate to others–and to yourself.

Say What You Really Want to Say–Even If You Shouldn’t

Who the hell writes a post about looking for tampons? (Crickets.) Well, me. I have severe performance anxiety. What better way to be vulnerable than to post about a bleeding vajay-jay? (Okay, that was just waaay over the top, but you get my point, right?) In exposing myself to the pending disapproval over this post content, I’ll get closer to my goal. Other people’s insecurities do not have to affect my ability to grow. And, the more vulnerability I can deal with off-stage, the easier it will become to go on-stage.

Embarrass Yourself

Lastly, and this is radical, set out to embarrass yourself. Tell a bad joke in a crowded room and hear the pin drop. You’ll survive. Wear mis-matched clothes to the grocery, then smile at the people who stare. Those looks won’t change you. Others’ judgments can’t hurt you.

Get vulnerable to get better.

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