The other day, I was speaking with my big brother about life in general. We wax philosophic from time to time, which is something that I enjoy about my family. I am the only English major among three psychology majors. I desperately wanted to be a psychology major, but at the time, with my depressive and compulsive tendencies, my mother determined that it would be the wrong decision. So I chose something easy, like English. But I digress. As I was saying, before I so rudely interrupted myself, my brother and I were talking about failure. He said that it took a lot of courage to keep failing. I disagreed. I am more focused on the end result. Hmmm….he thought for a moment. What if the next time is THE time, he questioned. What if it took 100 failures and then just one attempt to get it right? Wasn’t there was honor in that.

I think that there comes a point in everyone’s life where she wonders whether or not giving up and giving in is the same as relaxing into the flow of life. I had a very good friend once who told me not to worry so much about smoking. She said that when I was ready to give it up, I would. Instead of continuing to fight the addiction, beat myself up and then smoke again, she said that I should stop focusing on it and just wait until I was ready.

Of course, this goes against everything within me. Sometimes, you have to just make yourself do what you need to do, right? You have to be unrelenting with yourself in order to make things change. I suppose this all goes to your philosophy of life. My brother’s philosophy is simple: you are going to die. Don’t know when. Don’t know how. But, news flash — it’s going to happen. On health, though, he has determined that he won’t die because he was too lazy to get up and go to the gym. His kids won’t grow up without a Dad because he was lazy. If he dies on the treadmill, well, at least he tried.

Then, there’s my mother. She believes that everything happens for a reason and that God is in control. God will only allow things to happen to you that are meant to happen. This provides her some comfort when she thinks about the accident that killed my father 30 years ago. You see, had he not been taken from us, we would have never been blessed by my step-father. So, if your lungs give out or you have a stroke, it’s all God’s will. Then again, she eats healthily, does things like drink hot water because it’s good for digestion, and drinks diluted vinegar.

And then, there’s me. I know that we have control over the things we do and what happens to us in life, which is why I beat myself up over smoking. I SHOULD beat myself up over it, right?! This is a known cancer-causing habit. WTF??? I also know that there are some things outside of my control. A co-worker at my last job never smoked a day in her life and died of lung cancer. What gives? How are we supposed to live with this uncertainty? What are we responsible for and what do we leave to God? Sounds simple, I know. But, it all depends on your philosophy of life.

So what’s your philosophy on life? How do you deal with the uncertainty of sickness and disease? What if you do everything right? What then? I’d love to hear your thoughts.