Comments on: Can People Ever Change Their Habits?

By: bloominglater

bloominglater — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 04:43:43 +0000

@ash – ah! i see EXACTLY what you're saying. i think the issue is that the very thing that attracts us to someone is the thing we may find that we want to change later. it could be impossible to know that you'll be wanting to change someone until you get down to the get down. Do you know what I mean? For example, my husband is very laid back and is slow to anger. Fantastic qualities for me since I'm a bit of that "crazy bitch with a big ego" as well. But this becomes an issue when we're trying to reach goals. I take a very hands on approach – he's very laid back. I think the trick here is to see someone holistically from the beginning and to be aware of our tendencies to be attracted to our opposites. It's good and it can be super frustrating, too! thanks, ash!!

By: Ash

Ash — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 04:37:55 +0000

As you probably know by now, I'm a pretty rational person. In this scenario, my rationale serves me, because I tend to maintain the attitude of, "Well, hey…if I'm not worth you having to compromise on this, then I don't want to be with you" type mentality…which seems to have kept me from falling into the trap of trying to change someone. Mostly because I'm a crazy bitch who has an entirely big ego, although I like to masquerade it as maturity. :p Haha.

I think the point I'm trying to make is this: If you have to change a person in the first place, it isn't worth your time. Emotional attachments are a bitch, and are the only reason why we even bother.

My two cents?

By: bloominglater

bloominglater — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:29:29 +0000

that's a good point, ms. freeman! i think that we can change habits, but we have to embrace who we are and at some point, we have to accept who we are. thanks!

By: Ms. Freeman

Ms. Freeman — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:07:52 +0000

I think we can change some of our habits, but not our true character. I quit smoking for family and a relationship. Well the relationship has since ended and I am still a none smoker.

But, I am a loner and that is a character detail that can not be changed, hence the ended relationship.

By: bloominglater

bloominglater — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:31:48 +0000

@Dava – I can certainly see your point. I didn't think of it that way – that I would be asking someone to change "just for me," but that's precisely what I would be doing. Thank you for making that point. Perhaps that is selfish. For example, my husband has never asked me to stop smoking, but there are certainly things that I wish that he would do – just for me. I like this the most: "it seems more loving to give yourself guiding principles than to punish yourself for not reaching hard and fast rules." Yes. I agree. Thanks so much!

By: dava

dava — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 04:49:18 +0000

I would be uncomfortable asking someone to change “just for me” but would certainly be supportive of someone changing their habits for the better. For example, I wouldn’t demand my husband quit smoking for me, but if he wanted to do it for himself (and of course I would benefit too) I’d be supportive.

Habits are hard to change, and in my small experience working steadily and with lots of planning seems to work. I set short term, very acheivable goals but try to avoid the longer-term, more-likely-to-fail variety.

Loving yourself more and seeking better health are certainly commendable goals. And, it seems more loving to give yourself guiding principles than to punish yourself for not reaching hard and fast rules.

Interesting topic, with lots of food for thought.